The following is a true story.
This is the timeline for the future Packers upcoming season.
- Packers get a B+ in free agency for resigning one player.
- New players are for gays and Jews. Ted is like Gormley, too smart to waste money.
- Fans rejoice and koolaid drinking begins.
- Media analysis: “Ted Thompson is one of the greatest for a reason. The players he drafts fart magic sprinkles and don’t take smelly shits.” Overall grade A+++++.
- Koolaid more potent.
- First power rankings are released. Packers are somewhere in the top 3. Even before rosters are finalized.
- Koolaid reaches dangerous levels.
Regular season begins:
- Winning streak happens. “We’re the greatest ever.” Super Bowl planning begins.
- Lose two in a row. “Fire all the players, coaches, and everyone not named Aaron.”
- Injuries happen. “We’re the only team that gets injured every year.”
- Limp into playoffs with deeply flawed team.
- Super Bowl planning at full speed ahead.
- Koolaid is fermented gold.
- Win one game. “I can’t see how we can lose to [list of other teams in playoffs]. Maybe New England might be able to keep it within two scores.”
- Koolaid reaches peak levels.
- One week later, Packers are loses. Fucken’ Mosley.
- Apparently you need to stop the other team to win games in the playoffs. Who knew?
Blame Game Ensues:
- Brew has spent weeks writing checks his ass can’t cash.
- Pitchfork and torches are used to decide which players and coaches are to burn first.
- Pi consoles for a few weeks with boob gifs.
- Packers fans eventually come to terms with their gayness.
- Pi begins trolling again.
Repeat next year from the top.