Okay in light of recent development, there’s a lot of really important work here to be done.
This empire doesn’t stop until we hit $1.20 day.
I have assigned all of you roles to help us get to the top of the ladder quickly.
Horse: You are in charge of public relations and greeting new guests.
Jordy: You’re our resident proctologist. If someone has an issue with their rectum, it’s your job to look into it.
Hawkshaw: You’re in charge of shutting down illegal liquor operations (that we don’t already own) and go get us some free land. Blame someone white. Repeat.
Warvette: I’ll issue your press pass immediately. Get reporting on some quality stuff. If anybody tries to stop you at the stadium, slam your softball bat into the ground and tell them “you shall not pass”.
Pineapple: You’ll be in charge of the salon. Some of our members will need you to make their hair have equal shine and bounce.
Alias: You’re the coroner. If anybody drops dead, spread the gif on imgur to find new recruits.
Gubby: You’re an affirmative action hire. You didn’t get here on merits. We don’t need you to actually do anything.
Busey’s Teeth: Long hours require pick me ups. Call your dealer and get the good stuff. Then proceed to cut it 20x and sell us what’s left.
Gravy: Some of these new people will need an education. Get BONER U up immediately and make it so 2 years of night classes on our blog means you legally be a stock broker in Wyoming.
Gormley: You’re the sexy jazzman. Make the ladies squirt with your silky smooth music.
Mosley: One Mosley is enough. Keep all Giants fans away. Win over the gay crowd by just being yourself.
Brew: Pass out Packers flyers at Brad Jones public execution. Collaborate with Alias on the most effective means of doing this. I’m sure he knows a guy.
Droog: You’re the ambassador to Canadia. Sure you may live in a frozen hostile wasteland but we can reach our goal if you sell them donuts, maple syrup, or whatever you communists do up there.
Seal: Just stop breaking the fucking blog when I go to get some food.
Step 1 – Build empire.
Step 2 – Profit.